This is one of those witching hours betwixt dark and dawn where I cannot seem to get my mind to settle enough to sleep. I feel overwhelmed. I feel thrilled. I feel blessed. I feel like I know who I am and it is who I always expected I would be, a self I have been fighting for the last year.
I am in love.
I am in love with my craft. I am in love with the stage. I am in love with this world that I am a part of.
It’s a heady feeling to come back into yourself. But there it is. I lost my heart to the theatre long ago and despite my scorning her for so long, she has welcomed me back with open arms and open heart.
I just wrapped a show where I played one of my dream roles. As is the case in every show I have done, this show has imparted in me some quality lessons. Just a sampling…
1. This whole sexy thing? I got this. I got this in spades. Doesn’t matter what size or shape I am. I can own it. And I do.
2. Onstage chemistry can’t be taught. It can be worked toward and improved over time, perhaps, but every once in awhile you get the chance to work with someone you just have an instant spark with and, voila, you make the magic happen. Every once in awhile you’re lucky to find someone that makes you forget you are acting. And it is a fucking headtrip of fantastic-ness to rock it out with them.
3. Sometimes it’s helpful to pick out the hardest person in the room to impress and make it your goal to get a rise out of that person before the show’s over. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t (frankly, jury’s still out on this one for me) but it gives you a focus because you know if you manage to impress this person then everyone else is going to be EATING IT UP.
4. The people who say you can’t go home again put too much stock in a geographical location. I came home again the second I stepped into that audition in December and I swear I hope I’m never silly enough to leave again.
Theatre can be a volatile mistress, but it seems safe to say that indeed “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” I don’t think there can be anymore turning my back after this. It just feels too darn good to be my own best self.
“So ring bells, sing songs, blow horns, beat gongs,
Our love, never will die. How’m I ridin’? I’m ridin’ high…”